Bedroom floor thoughts…

As I sit here on my bedroom floor, I keep wiping away tear drops that fall onto my computer with my sleeve. Will this hole in my body ever go away? Will this hollow, emptiness of hurt ever get out of my body? What would life be like without the pain? And no, I don’t mean the physical, back pain. I mean the pain in my heart, my chest, the weight thats on my shoulders, and in my brain… the mental pain of everything. Everything. Could I wake up and not feel like crying, and actually be happy? is it possible? I don’t know if those questions will ever be answered.

When I had the urge of crying tonight, the first thing I thought of was to write. I don’t know where I’m trying to go with this, but as I sit here in a puddle of my own tears I didn’t want to feel alone…My brain feels like a punching bag, and I can’t stop bad thoughts from coming, and tears from running down my face.

I want to be able to be positive for so many of you, however I promised myself that I would be one hundred percent real…so here it is.

xoxo, Mads

2 thoughts on “Bedroom floor thoughts…

  1. You describe the hole very well and it is so difficult. Please know you do inspire with your sharing and writing. One person who I like to read and listen to is Pema Chodron, here is something I keep close to read when things are simply difficult:
    “Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
    Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

    Through your writings I see this in you.

    Like

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